Wednesday, November 02, 2005

JAP meets Sabra

For those of you watching the dating/reality show “
Of all the girls in the world” the best episode up till now was the one broadcasted last Sunday on Channel 3.
It showed us all the difference between the Israeli and JAP lifestyle.
To update you - the elimination race is still going on. The three finalists were flown to New York to meet the parents.
First we have Neta, a sweet Israeli girl who, IMHO, would be desperately unhappy outside of Israel.
Then there is Marie, a 21-year old perky Canadian, who comes across as a diva in the making. Last but not least – Bulgarian Maria.
Non-Jewish Maria (Jewish father, Catholic mother) is very much a woman, statuesque, with an air of mystery about her.
In New York, the girls are staying in bachelor Ari’s not-so-impressive- apartment.
I would have put my foot down and asked for a single room in the
Millennium Hotel.
They were whisked off to an olam to meet the family. Oy!
All of them made a good impression: the mother liked Marie, the father Maria and the sister Neta. So much for consensus. Ari’s family came across as slightly dysfunctional.
Ari’s father was blatantly fawning over Maria gushing what a beautiful woman she is.
The mother announced that she is the perfect mother-in-law, because "I keep my mouth zipped shut and my wallet zipped open." Mmmm, so much for the Jewish Values that Ari keeps bringing up. Sister Charlene knows how to act for the cameras. She plays the vixen part with relish and could give Joan Collins a run for her money.
Charlene invited each girl to her place for a separate check session.
The first victim was sweet Neta, who was schlepped to a manicure/pedicure place.
When Charlene found out that she never had a pedicure before, she nearly fainted and drowned in her footbath.
She asked Neta about working, emphasizing that she herself is a stay-at-home Mum.
Neta answered truthfully that she would like to work and cut down on it once she has children. Charlene looked shocked.
Obviously, she doesn’t get two things:
a) staying home with the kids is a luxury Israeli women don’t have (except for the affluent ones);
b) educated women like to work in their chosen field of expertise. I wonder if Charl Dear ever visited Israel or has any Israeli friends.
After summing up the visit, Charlene informed Ari that she had a problem with Neta not being "a traditional woman such as Mum and myself."
Marie was the second victim, and was cordially invited to step into the high design kitchen to make "sesame schnitzels with noodles."
"Noodles" in the States is called "pasta" in Canada and Europe (being a collective noun), so Marie asked if she was talking about spaghetti. Charlene gave her an affirmative nod with a "don’t try my patience" look.
Marie did her best, honestly saying that she didn’t know if she was heading for the chuppah yet. "I see myself having a serious relationship that might lead to marriage," she said, which in my book is a very mature and sensible statement for a 21-year old.
Charlene kept emphasizing to Marie and Ari that she (Marie) is very young, and that there is a 13-year-old age gap with 34-year old Ari.
The last victim was Maria, who had a really tough time.
Charlene took her to a boutique were she tried on her outfit for her son’s Bar Mitsva.
It consisted of a knee length black frock with a short sleeved glittery jacket – not exactly a proper outfit for an Orthodox shul. Maria said that she liked the outfit.
Charlene changed into a white evening halter dress with a slit halfway up her tights.
Charl posed "
Alexis Carrington of Dynasty"- style and asked poor Maria (who lied through her teeth that she liked this outfit as well) what she would wear at an Orthodox Jewish wedding.
"A dress" she answered, "with sleeves."
Charlene was not happy about this answer and told Ari that she didn’t think that Maria has any neshomme. Ari promptly dumped Maria stating: "I have a problem with your honesty."
Considering how he is portrayed in the show, this gives new meaning to the world chutzpa.
So now we are down to two: sweet Sabra Neta and perky JAP Marie.
Who will win? I predict neither.
No matter who will be chosen, Ari will not settle down with anyone.
His best option: let Charl select a woman for him, and marry her after the approval of the parent unit.
It’s a pity Charlene doesn’t work – she has the makings of a great

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